Silencio...

After a while
all you have to do
is drown in Silence
and wait

Winter's Coming

Winter's Coming
Originally uploaded by peter bowers.

just had to upload this beautiful photo from peter bowers, to share it with you. please, if you have few minutes, visit his flickr photo page, you wont regret it.. wonderful man , who creates truly beautiful and inspirational photos..

Frost

Frost
Originally uploaded by peter bowers.

your love is melting my defends
as a sun ray is melting
the frost and ice
on the window in spring ...

Freedom

Freedom ...

Freedom from Fear ...

A Fearless Life

... Life ...

Three or more In Love

I love you, my love.
And I love that I love you.
And I love all the ones you love
Because you love them.

The Salvation

The Salvation is in
Losing up the boundaries
In spreading the boundaries so wide
till there is None.
Only Unconditional Love
is capable for longest lasting.
Only Unconditional Love
can Really lasts forever
and become Eternal.

Satya

Be who you Say you Are

... or don't speak at all...

Farewell

Goodbye my friend
The hour of separation has come.
We run away from it
wanted to stop the time
to turn the roads to the start
but
we couldn't win this game
and now
we re
falling
apart.

I loved the time we spent
into each others arms.
I loved your voice, your laugh,
your bliss while you held my hand
on our way to the stars.

Now you're gone.
No more.
Your kisses for goodnight
your embracing to keep me from fears
your tender touch on my face
your fingers to wipe away the tears.

I m alone.
You re gone.
Us,
no more..............................

Wondering

How many hours of pain woman can feel without Dying?

So, this is the Sky...

You ve smudged the sky over my eyes
Now I cannot see anything accept
what is
Where can I hide myself nowhere cloud callouts
I am walking
my steps are not ecchoing inside your heart
Indefinite blue transparent
So this is the Sky, then
Swallows can make their nests inside my hair
Or under my wings (where from are these, now?)
I am wondering
cannot distinguish the intention that brought me here
New World New Law New Life
Weaved from Reality
Weaved from Dreams that are Lived
Would I go back?
No, I wouldn’t
I d still like to be a bird
I d still like that swallows make their nests
inside my hair...

Death

To die
with all I have
To die
with all I had
To die
with all I'll ever have


Then, perhaps,

I will be on the start of a Spiritual Journey...

Path

Before the Path
I didn't know for
the Hell in me

Now
I went tru' my Hell

And that is the Difference.

Free

To become free
from my own fears

To become the Master
of my own life

To be free
only to go deeper
into Spirit

Tantra

"Tantra - as I begin to understand it,

truly and in its deepest sense - is in the art of making love with "ones own" energy - :))

however this may sound."

written in a letter to a friend

about a month ago

Line

My body is more spiritual
Because you've touched it...
You've crossed the forbidden line
And I've enjoyed it

I wanted more
but I have stopped it
To keep this Love high
To keep this Love High

One

Your lips on my neck

Your hand on my breast


Your energy within me

My energy within you


No contact.

One.

Yearning

Yearning
Feeling your small kisses
multiplied on my skin
your pale soft lips
stabbed into my heart

Longing
For a decade and then suddenly
your hands crossing forbidden zone
searching for me awaking me
I want you
I love you
I love you
I want you

My friend
My lover
My inner
Invocation...

Freedom

One cannot give freedom to the other
if has not given freedom to oneself first.

You cannot give as a present
what you do not own first.

Turn

And then you've turned me around.

Stars of the Milky Way

and the sound of the Sea

were there for us...

Everything...

Your eyes found mine

The Path was open.

I stood firm

while you explored me

I was touched by the

Tenderness of your skin

My nails caressed your back

for the first time

My fingers were my lips

I kissed your soul

I kissed your heart

I held you as a child

within my warm arms

and loved you

loved you...

Flame

Erected
As a noon Sun ray
I'm burning
With my eyes closed
Beside You.

Unite

One inside of me
Must die
So that the Wholeness
Can be born.

Outreach

I am stretching myself
towards Thee
as the trees are stretching their branches
towards the Sky

Love

Have you ever loved the man
Not wanting anything from him
Just being happy that he exists
Exactly the same as he is
Not to change a single part
of his soul of his spirit
Not even wanting that he knows
for your love

Message

Openness

Eternity

Sun that Shines
in the Chests

Come
Into Me
from Above

And Change
My Perception
And Life
Forever

Moment

And then you touch me.
Your fingers caress my hair
And the curve of my neck.
Your lips turn into smile
And the world is whole again.

I'll be Alright

Go.
Spend your life away from me.
I'll be alright.
Perhaps I will think
about un-happened days
forever lost in this
stream of Life.
Perhaps I will grief
for losing the closeness
we shared in our best days.
But I wont miss this.
To be near you
and not to be able
to hear your heart beats.
To be near you
and not to know
your most gentle and secret thoughts.
To be near you
and not to be able to hug you
or kiss you or even laugh with you.
To be near you
and not to be able to tell you
what I dream of
To be near you
and not to share the same vision
nor even
its broken parts.
I'll be al right.
I'll renew my self respect
I ve almost lost
in the past years.
I'll go freely to the world
with the wide open eyes
and believe I am child again.
I'll share my joy for being alive
with the neighbours, strangers, cats
and trees that I am in love with
without fear of to be
misunderstood.
I'll spread my hands and touch the sky
as I'm seeing it the very first time.
I'll hug the Life itself
and allow myself
to be Happy again.

The Prayer

God, I am begging you to forgive me
for the thoughts I will not think
for the things I will not premeditate
for the happenings I will not live

For all un dreamed dreams
for all excursions aside my journey
for the conscious that is roaming sometimes
for everything, for everything, dear God,
I beg you to forgive me.

But God,
I am addressing this prayer to you
not because of your forgiveness
but because of the wish
insatiable
and the blessing of Thee
that i think all that matters
to deliberate of every signal from haven
to experience every invocation of my destiny
to dream away all dreams of my soul
that i never turn aside of your own path
that the conscious be initiated into everything essential
to know myself within the whirlpools of Life
and conceive everything that is possible to know about oneself
for every step on that journey, I am begging you,
bless me, God.




written sometime in 1985.

Drifting

In Memoriam II

Sometimes I am whispering your name... When nobody can hear me, when I am hidden in my rooms, in cold walls around which there is no one for miles...
It is not that I miss you... I ran away from the moments without you, holding you as before.. Then, I aloud myself just to breath nearby you without words, and my body is healing from the alien's touchings, kisses of a strangers in whom I was devotedly looking for you... although I knew in advance - you were in none of them.
I wish then to disintegrate, that my ash spills till nonrecognition, to stay in that breathing forever... Close to you...
I ask myself why I had to meet you.. Why you had to leave me.. Why I do not know how to walk alone, my steps are stumbling, my knees are scratched from fallings and repeated up-standings, from tryings to stand up, vainly..
You wont give me your hand, wont ask me how I am, just one forgive me and your conscious is peaceful? Is there.. Is there a justice for those who went by wrong path by their own will, knowingly what they are doing.. It is bitter the taste of your skin under my fingers.. I do not blame you for anything..
Just I want more of you.. Just I ve seen no dawn since that night in which we parted, when I hadn't even a presentment of its determination.. How many months I needed to realize that? Maybe I still did not.. My darling.. My love.. My... I was not telling you that at the beginning.. Since I was, like I ve cursed us.. Of course you are not mine, but still you are.. My love.. Will anyone of us three succeed to be happy again? Me, I don't think so...

written on 18th of May 2005.

Just Another Story

He is very young. 10 years of difference between man and woman is A Lot.
Maybe not now, but.
Why is he doing this to me?
All those messages, charming looks, hidden shakings in his voice..
Why my breathing becomes faster when I hear him, and suddenly I feel like my whole body is vibrating from tip to toes.
He knows me. Enough that I know he knows. And I know he knows I know. So we worked together for over a year.
Very gentle soul, special kind, mixed from sensitivity and strongness. Pure like a soul of a little boy, sincere and nasty. I don't want to lose her, to hurt her. That is why I must not go further. And that is why I always only smile, when everything is clear.
Then he apologizes, cause he was bad. Because he wanted me. You were never bad, I tell him. Not to me.. Is this love, or just lust, how to tell my boyfriend that hormones of another man are running through my body. Those are things that cannot be told. To no one? Maybe to no one.
Yet we did it in our thoughts so many times. Is it a sin? Those pictures, that my lips are touching his lips, soft and gentle, that his hands are caressing my body, that his hips are moving mildly and strongly between my legs, that I am scratching with my nails his back and muscles, that we are one. For that moment, separated from reality, written in eternity.
Isn't it already written in eternity what will happen never? A kiss is not a sin, neighter a making love is a sin, nothing that is love cannot be sin, but a secret is. I know that, and therefore I'm cooling.
And I do not know until when will I be able to..

A Soul

How much a soul can stretch
To embrace the Heaven
And comprehend the light of the Stars..

The Crown

Open wide Sky
is my
Crown

Life

Is really a strange thing... Like we can learn the most when we are almost defeated but not given up.. In the beginning of my journey, all I wanted is to become a better person.. person who will be able to love more, to give more, to be more positive, whose thoughts will be refreshing, optimistic, supportive, whose acts will become unselfish, and the goal, the goal of my searching was the one and only unconditioned Love.. Not only in theory, but in true and everyday Life... I went into dark room of my soul, and the journey began.. It was about 17 years ago.. I was on the edge then, in my late teen years, to become completely closed, because things I saw in the world were too wrong, too aggressive, too lacked of understanding, too much with no good will.. Instead of doing that, I ve turned inside.. Is there in me that what I would like to see around me? Am I myself capable of living such life that is worth of living? Can a man be really Free, free to be who he is?

And I went trough my mistakes.. The biggest one is, that I ve searched for this kind of divine love within the relationships I was involved in.

I remember the nights when I felt I have to follow my own way no matter what, as the most progressive nights in my life, when I felt I am doing the right thing even it is painful for me in the moment, when I was giving up from the things or persons I was holding onto too strong.. The nights of transformation, that is how I ve called it..

Long time no see, like.. I feel, the new period in my life is about to come.
After nine years of relationship to my husband, we came to a point where we cannot continue like we did anymore. He wants a family, children and stuff, and I want to transform our relationship into spiritual one, to see are we capable of going tru if become more open, to other people the most.. I am very curious what would happen, wanted that many years ago but I was always too afraid we could lose each other.

I am 37 soon.. In a life of a woman those years are hard.. Why this change came to me now? How is that, I cannot just close my eyes and walk away? And chose to keep the man I love, and a family with him, instead of going into unknown, alone?

We are not young any-more, if this happened ten years ago it would be easier.. But it didn't.
It s been a year now, that I am waiting for him to make a decision to go with me, so that we can do thing he wants as well.. suggesting a win-win situation.. It would be so great, but he is not interested in that. I have to admit I went tru' hell these late months, wondering what to do.

It came to me, yesterday.. That, once again, I have to go my way.. no matter what will happen, no matter what he will decide.. no matter how much I love him, no matter I stay alone.. Because, this is not connected with others, this has to do with me, with my going through my own fears, my own weaknesses, and if not now, when? When will be the better time? Is there the best time to free ourselves?

Now is always the best time...


To reconnect with my own soul..
To come to my roots again..
To follow where Life in its wisdom is leading me, and to trust him..

Still I am praying for us to survive..

Dreams

I dream you in my nights..

I see your face in my dreams, your heart full of love, your hands tender as a touch of the butterfly. I am walking thru' the strange paths and you always find me.. Our ways are crossing.. People are around us.. Lovely people, clear and pure as a rainbow.. They are the part of our celebration of Life. And we are together.. In our souls, in our spirit, even when we are apart.. There are no conditions, nor a bad word to spoil the transparency of the true unselfish Love.

Awaking sad because that are only dreams.
Because I am so afraid to make a step towards your call.

Four Times Right

You are blackmailing me
you ll leave if I do not do
things your way you know yourself
is wrong.

And I am choosing not to
althou' afraid you ll
fulfil your threat.

It is a beautiful day today
My heart is jumping from joy
and the beauty of the sunshine
on my skin.

Being in Love

I feel I'm falling
falling in love
in a deep space
dark blue and filed
with shining distant
silver stars

I'm placing my hands
above my head
would love to reach them
touch them with my fingers
but I'm just falling
deeper and deeper

afraid and surprised
as a child left
in the middle of the beautiful forest

A Prayer

O pour your Mercifulness on me, my Love
So that freely I can fly nearby you
So that love as the River thru my chest is runing
So alive, so powerful as a Woman

O pour your Mercifulness on this world, my Love
On this world fulfilled with the silent call
I am praying to you as a child with an innocent soul
Sincerely and burnt by the stars of yearning

Pour your Mercifulness as a golden water, my Love
Give me your hands, your heart, your whole body
Wash me with Your love and Consciousness
Give me your Thoughts, my Teacher

Connect me with Thyself into Eternity,
into One

Bring me closer to You,
Om



written on the same day, ten years ago

The Heart

Take my heart

And make of it

A Core

of Spiritual

Life




dedicated to Kristijan.

The Travellers

We are all travellers
from one world
to Another
It is the speed
that we are choosing
not the Goal

Crossroads…

This morning
I've washed my face
With
My own
Smooth and Warm
Tears

Thought that you could stay alone
If you consider me leaving you
If I follow my own way
Broke me

My heart is asking
Why don’t you stay with me
Why don’t you follow me
Stand by me and support me
Why would you have to go
So far away

So far away
If I choose
To step forward
In my own life
In my own growth

Otherwise
How can we survive
If I die today
Choosing not to

You

I had a vision
fulfillment all around

...

It must be from this beautiful sunshine
Or the birds flying high on the sky
Or the children laughing in the park

This green beautiful light
on the tree leaves

Something in the air
it must be

It cannot be
that I am falling..
falling in Love
with
You

Long Ago

Shadows played on the walls
in front and behind the eyes
night filled with the memories
wondering
was it heaven ..or hell
it sounds like hell
a friend of mine told me
but
did she knew you
as I did...

Spiritual

There are those
who are in love with
Freedom

And those
who are only trying
to escape from
their own caves..

A Flower

while my lost soul is cruising the night
you are flourishing
and shining for all that matters...
sometimes I am so afraid
to lose a contact
with a light
he said
and I believed him
realising in his world
the light was a life
that was the moment
the shadows melted
like a snow flakes on a worm palm

In Memoriam

Sometimes I feel his fragrance.. It winds around me like a fog, memory of his presence, of his mild smile and love that was radiating from his eyes while he was looking at me.. Some unstoppable fog, very fine and penetrating like radiation.. It goes through my skin, comes into the smallest cell of my heart, into drops of blood that are running through my veins, it overflows my thoughts with the soft note of his voice, his touch..
I am wondering, sometimes, did that really happen.. Maybe it was all just a glimpse of a song of some forgotten tribe from the North.. Maybe it was all just a poetry, folded over reality as a part of some different world, slightly opened, on an inappropriate, forbidden way..
Is that important?
Is it really important if the game was fair or not, by the rules set by someone else but us, someone who didn't ask if we agree. Would I do it all over again, or I'd run away strongly guiding thick walls of this stone tower into which inner space no one had access. Nobody. Until him. Then.

I had no chance. Why am I smiling while thinking of that...

It was too beautiful...
Too real, more real then a life, it seems. That beauty didn't ask for approval, didn't need an excuse, didn't condition anything, it just WAS, radiating like the Sun.. Who could resist it..
And yet if it was a dream, maybe it was my dream, and I have dreamed it till the end.. I wanted that, I chose that I want, that is why my heart is peaceful now, and there is no repentance in it, or accusation for anything.. Maybe only thankfulness.. Although it is hard now.. Even, not that hard any more..

written on 17th of March, 2005.

Flame of Desire

Like a light on the horizon
That breaks a face of the night
Your Realness
Is penetrating me

In me, Somewhere Deep

In me Somewhere Deep inside
Behind all that pain and despair
Lives a God
Lives a Divine
Unadultereted
Pure
Pure joy
Endless Smile
And Love
Somewhere Inside me behind all the
Veils
Lives Enlightened
Immenseness
It is the only real spring
Of all my joys
In me somewhere completely deep within
God
And from time to time it rises
And dazzle with its beauty
Everything else
For these moments
Worth of living for
And that is changing me
It plays the gentlest music
On the strings of my Soul
Makes me a bird
And a poet of Kindness
Beyond the Space
Beyond the Time
It, Beloved
In me, somewhere deep

Merging With Your Wisdom

You turned your eyes
Into my vastness

I felt Transparent
and Unprotected


You reached for me..
My body hanged on my forehead

My forehead turned Open
and Serene


You just said:
Love

And Love started Echoing
Within

Distilling of the Moonlight

Embracing Silence
Bursting with Fruits

Season
of
Soul

Love

Heart fallen in Love
Beats with the rhythm
Of the Universe...

My world..

Full of stars.. And I am thankful, to every each of them...