– A brief personal reflection –
How many times have we felt this emotion, in smallest or in its very strong presence?
How many times have we felt how negative and how destroying its effects are on us?
And how many (perhaps even more) times have we wished if we could become free of it, if we could be stronger, or whatever, just not to feel it, and yet, at the same time failed to succeed to overcome the reaction in the situation.
We all know, it does not matter what the type of the situation is, it could be something job related, new colleague that knows a job better than us, so he/she may pose some kind of threat to us (or at least that is how we perceive it), or - of course, so-called "love"-related, when we see a potential concurrence in a new or better looking or whatever better, third.
Especially all of this, if "our" partner would not seem to react on the certain way which would help us feeling happy and secure. Was there then a feeling of fear, a feeling of insecurity, a feeling of defeat, a feeling of even anger, righteous one of course from our point of view, often, too often in dealing with it we would create such a drama just that the attention of the other comes to us again, even in this negative way, pulling, pushing, controlling, how ugly all this would be for even our own eyes if we would be looking from the outside, we also witnessed this probably not just once in our lifetime in stories of others and..
After all our experience and knowledge as a humankind, through all these aeons and decades and centuries of civilized history, yet, even today, even some very educated people, calling themselves psychologists are advising that a little jealousy is good in relationship, "showing it is alive and healthy", even they cannot imagine the world where jealousy would be not, and where we could live as free and loving, caring beings in our full potential as we all have it in ourselves. How is that we still do not know where this feeling or rather "state of being" is coming from, and how we can live free from it's claws.
What is the root of it? May my love relationship save its exclusivity and get rid of the possessiveness which is behind jealousy? Because behind jealousy is possessiveness, and behind that - fear of losing of something that I believe is "mine", or at least should be mine, because it "means" so much to me and because somehow that "possession" adds a value to me as well.. What has this to do with love?
I believe you'll agree, very little. I’d say, almost or even nothing.
In the root of jealousy is not the fear only. It is also - or at the very beginning of it - the un-knowledge of our own self. Of our own wishes, desires, potentials; restriction that we from whatever reason place on our own life (through which we also then feel to have "right" to control the other), so that in the end we DO NOT live our own life fully but to-some-extent only; that we are suppressed (by us and us only), and feeling miserable , somewhere deep deep down in ourselves we actually KNOW that we have killed our true being, that we are not allowed to explore it, to taste it, to feel it, to breathe it, to give it, to share it. We have created our own prison, in which we had to find a substitute for "freedom" and direct experience of life, by "possessing of another". That the feeling of possession gives us the feeling of life which we are not living, calling it all "love", hiding our misery from everybody, and putting the pink shiny paper of "relationship" around it.
All because we do not feel free to be who we really are. To give ourselves the freedom to explore, to search, to look for what we really are. Wherever it may take us. We close ourselves in a pre-formed picture of "how-things-should-look-like", completely unaware that in that moment, it does not matter at all that we have done it "voluntarily" and alone to ourselves; we actually stop to live, we die, we are dead. Is it possible for a human being to be really happy in this arrangement?
I believe not. All experiences of so-called happiness in this kind of arrangement are illusory, temporary, substitutes for the real and full happiness. And they depend on the other.
So. Yes. There is a good news. Hopefully not news for some or many. But let me say it.
In our own freedom, to be who we really are, fully, authentically, lies the cure for jealousy.
Yes, we will have to let go of possessions. But be aware that no man had or ever will "belong" to us. So, we have to leave the very idea of it. And to accept that we are on our own. If we want to find out what real love is, what does that word mean in its very core, and to live on daily basis in the truth that we find, then, we have no choice but to turn our look inside, to learn to let go and to know that this means no end of the world, but the beginning of life.
Life, as it is, in all its beauty and glory.
PS. If we try to do so, in giving ourselves freedom to be who we are, we will become aware, in such a way that we cannot hide from the truth of that fact, that we will have no longer that “right” to keep the other person or whatever possession it is, in our prison with us, that we will have to give the same freedom to the other. And there lies the difficulty, because, once we give the real freedom to other person, that person may leave us and go away. But the choice is there.
True love needs no jail bars. And love within the bars is love not. It is anything but love. A contract, a comfort, however you name it.
We may choose that as well. But let us not expect (in that instance) that we may ever be fully and totally happy, peaceful and mighty, beautiful, as human beings may be or are in its essence. Jealousy is simply a part of the package, and it suffocates the true being.
But once, sooner or later, we will cross the bridge. We will become tired of fight, and we will feel such yearning for freedom that the invisible cuffs will no longer be able to hold us there.
And we will find what we were looking for.
Then, and just then, we may give our hand to the other in the sublimity of true Love.
How many times have we felt how negative and how destroying its effects are on us?
And how many (perhaps even more) times have we wished if we could become free of it, if we could be stronger, or whatever, just not to feel it, and yet, at the same time failed to succeed to overcome the reaction in the situation.
We all know, it does not matter what the type of the situation is, it could be something job related, new colleague that knows a job better than us, so he/she may pose some kind of threat to us (or at least that is how we perceive it), or - of course, so-called "love"-related, when we see a potential concurrence in a new or better looking or whatever better, third.
Especially all of this, if "our" partner would not seem to react on the certain way which would help us feeling happy and secure. Was there then a feeling of fear, a feeling of insecurity, a feeling of defeat, a feeling of even anger, righteous one of course from our point of view, often, too often in dealing with it we would create such a drama just that the attention of the other comes to us again, even in this negative way, pulling, pushing, controlling, how ugly all this would be for even our own eyes if we would be looking from the outside, we also witnessed this probably not just once in our lifetime in stories of others and..
After all our experience and knowledge as a humankind, through all these aeons and decades and centuries of civilized history, yet, even today, even some very educated people, calling themselves psychologists are advising that a little jealousy is good in relationship, "showing it is alive and healthy", even they cannot imagine the world where jealousy would be not, and where we could live as free and loving, caring beings in our full potential as we all have it in ourselves. How is that we still do not know where this feeling or rather "state of being" is coming from, and how we can live free from it's claws.
What is the root of it? May my love relationship save its exclusivity and get rid of the possessiveness which is behind jealousy? Because behind jealousy is possessiveness, and behind that - fear of losing of something that I believe is "mine", or at least should be mine, because it "means" so much to me and because somehow that "possession" adds a value to me as well.. What has this to do with love?
I believe you'll agree, very little. I’d say, almost or even nothing.
In the root of jealousy is not the fear only. It is also - or at the very beginning of it - the un-knowledge of our own self. Of our own wishes, desires, potentials; restriction that we from whatever reason place on our own life (through which we also then feel to have "right" to control the other), so that in the end we DO NOT live our own life fully but to-some-extent only; that we are suppressed (by us and us only), and feeling miserable , somewhere deep deep down in ourselves we actually KNOW that we have killed our true being, that we are not allowed to explore it, to taste it, to feel it, to breathe it, to give it, to share it. We have created our own prison, in which we had to find a substitute for "freedom" and direct experience of life, by "possessing of another". That the feeling of possession gives us the feeling of life which we are not living, calling it all "love", hiding our misery from everybody, and putting the pink shiny paper of "relationship" around it.
All because we do not feel free to be who we really are. To give ourselves the freedom to explore, to search, to look for what we really are. Wherever it may take us. We close ourselves in a pre-formed picture of "how-things-should-look-like", completely unaware that in that moment, it does not matter at all that we have done it "voluntarily" and alone to ourselves; we actually stop to live, we die, we are dead. Is it possible for a human being to be really happy in this arrangement?
I believe not. All experiences of so-called happiness in this kind of arrangement are illusory, temporary, substitutes for the real and full happiness. And they depend on the other.
So. Yes. There is a good news. Hopefully not news for some or many. But let me say it.
In our own freedom, to be who we really are, fully, authentically, lies the cure for jealousy.
Yes, we will have to let go of possessions. But be aware that no man had or ever will "belong" to us. So, we have to leave the very idea of it. And to accept that we are on our own. If we want to find out what real love is, what does that word mean in its very core, and to live on daily basis in the truth that we find, then, we have no choice but to turn our look inside, to learn to let go and to know that this means no end of the world, but the beginning of life.
Life, as it is, in all its beauty and glory.
PS. If we try to do so, in giving ourselves freedom to be who we are, we will become aware, in such a way that we cannot hide from the truth of that fact, that we will have no longer that “right” to keep the other person or whatever possession it is, in our prison with us, that we will have to give the same freedom to the other. And there lies the difficulty, because, once we give the real freedom to other person, that person may leave us and go away. But the choice is there.
True love needs no jail bars. And love within the bars is love not. It is anything but love. A contract, a comfort, however you name it.
We may choose that as well. But let us not expect (in that instance) that we may ever be fully and totally happy, peaceful and mighty, beautiful, as human beings may be or are in its essence. Jealousy is simply a part of the package, and it suffocates the true being.
But once, sooner or later, we will cross the bridge. We will become tired of fight, and we will feel such yearning for freedom that the invisible cuffs will no longer be able to hold us there.
And we will find what we were looking for.
Then, and just then, we may give our hand to the other in the sublimity of true Love.
