Just Another Story

He is very young. 10 years of difference between man and woman is A Lot.
Maybe not now, but.
Why is he doing this to me?
All those messages, charming looks, hidden shakings in his voice..
Why my breathing becomes faster when I hear him, and suddenly I feel like my whole body is vibrating from tip to toes.
He knows me. Enough that I know he knows. And I know he knows I know. So we worked together for over a year.
Very gentle soul, special kind, mixed from sensitivity and strongness. Pure like a soul of a little boy, sincere and nasty. I don't want to lose her, to hurt her. That is why I must not go further. And that is why I always only smile, when everything is clear.
Then he apologizes, cause he was bad. Because he wanted me. You were never bad, I tell him. Not to me.. Is this love, or just lust, how to tell my boyfriend that hormones of another man are running through my body. Those are things that cannot be told. To no one? Maybe to no one.
Yet we did it in our thoughts so many times. Is it a sin? Those pictures, that my lips are touching his lips, soft and gentle, that his hands are caressing my body, that his hips are moving mildly and strongly between my legs, that I am scratching with my nails his back and muscles, that we are one. For that moment, separated from reality, written in eternity.
Isn't it already written in eternity what will happen never? A kiss is not a sin, neighter a making love is a sin, nothing that is love cannot be sin, but a secret is. I know that, and therefore I'm cooling.
And I do not know until when will I be able to..


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