I found it on the net and liked it :)..


- It is possible. If you are enlightened then the question of jealousy does not arise at all; then it is impossible to have jealousy. Before enlightenment it is possible to live without jealousy. You just have to look into the causes of jealousy.

What makes you jealous? -- possessiveness. Jealousy itself is not the root. You love a woman, you love a man; you want to possess the man or the woman just out of fear that perhaps tomorrow he may move with somebody else. The fear of tomorrow destroys your today, and it is a vicious circle. If every day is destroyed because of the fear of tomorrow, sooner or later the man is going to look for some other woman because you are just a pain in the neck. And when he starts looking for another woman or starts moving with another woman, you think your jealousy has proved right. In fact it is your jealousy that has created the whole thing.

So the first thing to remember is: Don't be bothered about tomorrows; today is enough. Somebody loves you... let this be a day of joy, a day of celebration. Be so totally in love today that your totality and your love will be enough for the man not to move away from you. Your jealousy will move him away; only your love can keep him with you. His jealousy will move you away; his love can keep you with him.

Don't think of tomorrow. The moment you think of tomorrow your living today remains half-hearted. Just live today, and leave tomorrow, it will take its own course. And remember one thing, that if today has been such a beauty of experience, such a blessing -- out of today is born tomorrow, so why be worried about it?
If some day the man you have loved, the woman you have loved finds somebody else -- it is simply human to be happy, but your woman is happy with somebody else -- it does not make any difference whether she is happy with you or happy with somebody else, she is happy. And if you love her so much how can you destroy her happiness?

A real love will always be happy if the partner feels joyous with somebody else. In this situation -- when a woman is with somebody else, and you are still happy and you are still grateful to the woman and you still tell the woman, "You have absolute freedom; just be totally happy, that is my happiness. With whom you are happy is insignificant, what is significant is your happiness" -- my feeling is that she cannot remain away from you for long, she will be back. Who can leave such a man or such a woman?

Your jealousy destroys everything.
Your possessiveness destroys everything.

Before enlightenment you have to understand that what you are gaining out of jealousy you are burning in the fire: the more you become jealous and angry and hateful, the more you are throwing the other person far away from you. It is simple arithmetic that it is not going to help; you are destroying the same thing that you want to preserve.
It is simply idiotic -- it is German!

Just try to understand a simple fact that human beings are human beings. Everybody gets bored with the same person once in a while. Be factual; don't live in fictions. Everybody gets fed up with the same person once in a while. That does not mean that his love has stopped; it simply means a little change is needed. It is good for his health, it is good for your health. You both need a little holiday from each other. Why not do it consciously, "We are feeling stuck. What about having a one-week holiday? I love you, you love me; that is so certain that there is no fear."

My own experience is that after one day's holiday you will fall in love with each other on a higher and deeper level, because now you will see how much you love each other: you cannot even see the sadness that comes naturally by living together. Don't possess each other. Keep the freedom intact so that you don't interfere in each other's private world and you respect the dignity of the other person.

Once this is felt, once in a while you may go on separate holidays, come back again and there will be no need to be worried. You will be surprised that when your woman comes back to you after living with some other man for seven days, and you come back to your woman after living with some other woman for seven days, you both have learned some new things. You can have another honeymoon again. You are new and fresh, and you have learned new tricks. And it is always good to have fresh experiences, enrichment.
It is not that you need enlightenment and only then jealousy will disappear; you only need human understanding, intelligence, and jealousy will disappear.

So don't wait for enlightenment! I know many sannyasins are waiting for enlightenment, and meanwhile being as much jealous as possible, because after enlightenment you cannot!

Socrates Poisoned Again After 25 Centuries
Chapter #21


Anonymous said...

you can live without jealousy

Patty said...

Indeed, we are naturally born jealous and for me, whether we like it or not, we really cannot live without being jealous of anything or anyone. But we can avoid it by staying positive all the time, trusting the people around you and have some regular Theta healing meditations. Theta healing therapy will not only make you jealous-free but also will make you feel happier as well.

Lavinia said...

yes, Anonymus, i believe so too.
Anyway it is almost imposible for majority of people ..
Do u have some advice?

Anonymous said...

My wife and I started our marriage based on this idea that we would love each other in a way that is about their happiness and not about possessiveness. Much of what you write in this article we also believed and discussed as young lovers. Now we have been married for 7 years and we have 2 wonderful children. Jealousy has not been an issue and our beliefs about freedom in our relationship had never been tested... Until recently.
My wife is a massage therapist and one of her weekly clients has become a close friend over the year that they have known each other. He was going through marital problems and stressful work situations and my wife was able to get him to see life in a new way that he truly appreciated and also my wife felt cared for and liked his company too. Their appointments changed to 1.5 hours instead of 1 hour and he began to text and call almost everyday. My wife would have explained to him that this was ok with me because of our belief that love is about this freedom and ability to be happy individually. However recently their relationship started to bother me and it turned into pretty heavy suspision and jealousy. I trust my wife but I don't like or trust this guy. I decided eventually to talk to my wife about my problem and we talked for hours but it didn't help. I felt loss and sadness that she needed somebody else to feel appreciated or loved even though that I know it irrational to think that that I can provide everything emotionally that my wife needs. I queried my wife on his behavior and she has said over and over that their relationship is purely built on friendship and the care they show each other is mutually benefial but harmless. I still couldn't trust him. I came to the decision that maybe the best option to combat my jealousy would be to change our relationship vows to be more exclusive. I expressed this idea and to have her only see the guy as a client or a friend and not both but the result of this was that she felt very distanced from me and that it would mean she couldn't be free to be who she was and love and care for whoever comes into her life if she felt it was right. So after that I realized that this problem is truly my own and that I must try to combat the jealousy or my relationship will die a slow death from my jealousy. That doesn't help me right now though! I still feel the loss and the jealousy and still feel that I can't trust this guy. I met with him after my wide had explained to him how I was feeling. It didn't really help much. It may have been better if he didn't know about my feelings but my wife talks to him about everything as they have a very close relationship. I have come to the decision that I must work hard on this but I see it will be a long struggle.

Lavinia said...

Ah, sorry for my late response..
Unfortunately, I do not have solution to this problem. Just my thoughts based on some of my previous experience. And that is, that we have to give freedom to ourselves first, to live FULLY whatever we find we TRULY want to live. If we do that, and our partner is still with us (ha), then we will NATURALLY support our partner's freedom as our own.
I do not know if this may help at all.
Please let me know how are you at this stage. I hope your relationship with your wife improved.
It is VERY IMPORTANT in cases like this, to be fully honest, open and UNDERSTANDABLE for the partner's struggles, and to take them into account. If freedom, and unconditional Love is the goal.
Otherwise, there will just be more people with broken hearts.
Good luck!
My love is with you both.

Lavinia said...

As I just now saw - and approved a comment from Patty (it went to spam :o) and I haven't checked it!) I want to thank you for your kind comment and to say that your Theta healing therapy looks really good, you are doing a good job on this planet and thank you for it :)
Lots of love,

Post a Comment

Copyright © 2009 - LAVINIA - is proudly powered by Blogger
Smashing Magazine - Design Disease - Blog and Web - Dilectio Blogger Template