...

it is so hard to be left. I do not know what time is this that you are leaving me, but it looks as the last one, it looks as it is determined this time, that you are not coming back.
Why is that, I may ask myself for a long time when I stay on my own. How is that I am looking at this situation now and although everything inside me is screaming please stay with me and do not leave me for good, no words can cross my lips, my hands are stopped beside the body, no movement, no tear, nothing I can do looks like will not keep you from going.
It was so long that we were truly happy together, still, hope was surviving somewhere inside for such a long time. Eleven years. And it is over now. I am shocked, as in some slow motion movie that is happening to someone else.
Where is the border of pain that can cut a man or a woman.. I am finding these as a very stretchable line, and the bottom is in suicide I believe. As long as we are alive, it can go deeper and deeper.
What will I do without you in my life. This really scares me. Like I am wearing bricks inside my stomach this whole day.. One may say, I have no rights to complain, wasn't this what I wanted, wasn't this the freedom I was dreaming of all these years.. wasn't I the one who couldn't go through together and had to finally make a step towards the.. whatever it might be...
Yes, it is true.. I do not know why I have to do this, and why we have to part, when we cannot pass thought these door together..
But still, it hurts. It hurts as I cannot describe it.
I am very afraid of this pain, I do not like pain in any way, and maybe it is the reason why I haven't take some steps much earlier..
I don't know..

PS. I guess, that is how I really am.. perhaps I should face with my true face and admit and accept like, yes, it is me, it is my way.......................................

7 comments:

nuit said...

volim te sestrice!

Lavinia said...

i ja tebe, i bas mislim na tebe ovih dana :)

kao sto vidis, to je to, ukratko..
didn't work out......

tiamat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tiamat said...

cold wind and sunny day...
frosted peaks and singing birds.. no words to utter. simply beautiful.
up in hills i've gathered strenght from wildness and in my thoughts i've passed on to you..

i'm so sorry for all your pain. i wish i could do more..

ps/ me and my spelling
i always make stupid mistakes

Lavinia said...

thank you tiamat..

this story was written by life, called, break of marriage after 11 years.. it is not the easiest one.. i am trying to cope, givin my best to it..

love you too :))

Lavi

orgasmik said...

Hope you are finding your way through....

love
j

Lavinia said...

Thank you, Orgasmik..
I hope I will too...

Shadows are quite persistent these days, do not want to go away so easily..

Knowing there is nothing I can do to "fix" this.. falls the hardest..

Love to you too

L.

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