There,
You cannot leave me any-more
That I fall apart every time
When You take away the half of my heart with you
Half of my brain
One hand
Every time a little more
Every time a little longer
Every time a little deeper
A little more painful
A little more poisoning
There,
I left
First
Forever
Closed the door
I
Disabled for the whole life
Without all the things I joyfully gave you
In all those years in which I have
Loved you but
Even for that I am no more
Sure...
Realities have been mixed
One of them went non-returnably
Flowed away with your pain
To the dark centre of the Earth
If I could reverse
I'd do all differently
If I knew what I know now
But now
Now is only late
Too late
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
From tonight, I am not looking for you any more..
not even one of you hidden in some of him
or in many
I do not need your embraces
to feel your wish towards me
your sifts to listen
your yearnings to fulfill
From tonight I walk alone
I am walking, straight as a queen
aware of her own mights
which is admiring the beauty of her kingdom
which is serving to it by all her powers
by all her soul escaped from the heaven
and to heaven returned
From tonight the world is shiny drop on the palm
most valuable
mine
it is so hard to be left. I do not know what time is this that you are leaving me, but it looks as the last one, it looks as it is determined this time, that you are not coming back.
Why is that, I may ask myself for a long time when I stay on my own. How is that I am looking at this situation now and although everything inside me is screaming please stay with me and do not leave me for good, no words can cross my lips, my hands are stopped beside the body, no movement, no tear, nothing I can do looks like will not keep you from going.
It was so long that we were truly happy together, still, hope was surviving somewhere inside for such a long time. Eleven years. And it is over now. I am shocked, as in some slow motion movie that is happening to someone else.
Where is the border of pain that can cut a man or a woman.. I am finding these as a very stretchable line, and the bottom is in suicide I believe. As long as we are alive, it can go deeper and deeper.
What will I do without you in my life. This really scares me. Like I am wearing bricks inside my stomach this whole day.. One may say, I have no rights to complain, wasn't this what I wanted, wasn't this the freedom I was dreaming of all these years.. wasn't I the one who couldn't go through together and had to finally make a step towards the.. whatever it might be...
Yes, it is true.. I do not know why I have to do this, and why we have to part, when we cannot pass thought these door together..
But still, it hurts. It hurts as I cannot describe it.
I am very afraid of this pain, I do not like pain in any way, and maybe it is the reason why I haven't take some steps much earlier..
I don't know..
PS. I guess, that is how I really am.. perhaps I should face with my true face and admit and accept like, yes, it is me, it is my way.......................................
Why is that, I may ask myself for a long time when I stay on my own. How is that I am looking at this situation now and although everything inside me is screaming please stay with me and do not leave me for good, no words can cross my lips, my hands are stopped beside the body, no movement, no tear, nothing I can do looks like will not keep you from going.
It was so long that we were truly happy together, still, hope was surviving somewhere inside for such a long time. Eleven years. And it is over now. I am shocked, as in some slow motion movie that is happening to someone else.
Where is the border of pain that can cut a man or a woman.. I am finding these as a very stretchable line, and the bottom is in suicide I believe. As long as we are alive, it can go deeper and deeper.
What will I do without you in my life. This really scares me. Like I am wearing bricks inside my stomach this whole day.. One may say, I have no rights to complain, wasn't this what I wanted, wasn't this the freedom I was dreaming of all these years.. wasn't I the one who couldn't go through together and had to finally make a step towards the.. whatever it might be...
Yes, it is true.. I do not know why I have to do this, and why we have to part, when we cannot pass thought these door together..
But still, it hurts. It hurts as I cannot describe it.
I am very afraid of this pain, I do not like pain in any way, and maybe it is the reason why I haven't take some steps much earlier..
I don't know..
PS. I guess, that is how I really am.. perhaps I should face with my true face and admit and accept like, yes, it is me, it is my way.......................................
falling leaves sing
under the foot of passengers
mild sun rays are crossing the skin of the face
i hear the notes of a faraway land
echoing inside of me
i sense the touch
of a faraway hand
is this me
am i the one
who's shoes were torn apart so many times
from running
running away
is this me
am i the one
who's left asleep in a dream of another being
So, we have to say goodbye now?
After those moments of passion
and your sweet embrace
After those nights of longings
and your invisible touch
Is it over..
Closed doors, closed heart,
my hand in the air
empty is it now..
My friend
whom I passionately loved
even I knew
how wrong it is..
wrong was it
I do not know
So many years we flew through this stream
together
we knew
there , somewhere out there
is one heart
is one soul
that loves me
with true and free love
pure as a teardrop of a child
And then we broke the vows we gave to truth
we took a moment out of life
and gave our souls to flame that has burnt us
Silence is all that's left
is it not
God knows how this hurts
and still there is nothing else left
for me to do
but to let you go
from my inner world..
to bury you somewhere deep
where even I will be able to forget you..
I loved you,
was I not
I'll kiss you in my thoughts for one last time,
as a friend whose passed away..
Perhaps we'll see us once again,
shall we not
in some far away land of remembering
.......................................
"Yes, I will leave you. It is better for both of us"
"Yes, life without you is so much better. Our energies collide and make us go slower"
"Yes, it is really better without you.. I will stop seeing you."
"Yes, I want a divorce. I feel how I wish to finally make things clear"
...
Who is this talking?
Who is the one promising?
Who is the one that is real? The one who lives here and now..
They are not the same.
And bodies never lie.
And can someone be free
when he is not free from his own weaknesses?..........................
My weakness by ~Lady-Sue on deviantART
Goodbye my friend
The hour of separation has come.
We run away from it
wanted to stop the time
to turn the roads to the start
but
we couldn't win this game
and now
we re
falling
apart.
I loved the time we spent
into each others arms.
I loved your voice, your laugh,
your bliss while you held my hand
on our way to the stars.
Now you're gone.
No more.
Your kisses for goodnight
your embracing to keep me from fears
your tender touch on my face
your fingers to wipe away the tears.
I m alone.
You re gone.
Us,
no more..............................
How many hours of pain woman can feel without Dying?
Go.
Spend your life away from me.
I'll be alright.
Perhaps I will think
about un-happened days
forever lost in this
stream of Life.
Perhaps I will grief
for losing the closeness
we shared in our best days.
But I wont miss this.
To be near you
and not to be able
to hear your heart beats.
To be near you
and not to know
your most gentle and secret thoughts.
To be near you
and not to be able to hug you
or kiss you or even laugh with you.
To be near you
and not to be able to tell you
what I dream of
To be near you
and not to share the same vision
nor even
its broken parts.
I'll be al right.
I'll renew my self respect
I ve almost lost
in the past years.
I'll go freely to the world
with the wide open eyes
and believe I am child again.
I'll share my joy for being alive
with the neighbours, strangers, cats
and trees that I am in love with
without fear of to be
misunderstood.
I'll spread my hands and touch the sky
as I'm seeing it the very first time.
I'll hug the Life itself
and allow myself
to be Happy again.
Is really a strange thing... Like we can learn the most when we are almost defeated but not given up.. In the beginning of my journey, all I wanted is to become a better person.. person who will be able to love more, to give more, to be more positive, whose thoughts will be refreshing, optimistic, supportive, whose acts will become unselfish, and the goal, the goal of my searching was the one and only unconditioned Love.. Not only in theory, but in true and everyday Life... I went into dark room of my soul, and the journey began.. It was about 17 years ago.. I was on the edge then, in my late teen years, to become completely closed, because things I saw in the world were too wrong, too aggressive, too lacked of understanding, too much with no good will.. Instead of doing that, I ve turned inside.. Is there in me that what I would like to see around me? Am I myself capable of living such life that is worth of living? Can a man be really Free, free to be who he is?
And I went trough my mistakes.. The biggest one is, that I ve searched for this kind of divine love within the relationships I was involved in.
I remember the nights when I felt I have to follow my own way no matter what, as the most progressive nights in my life, when I felt I am doing the right thing even it is painful for me in the moment, when I was giving up from the things or persons I was holding onto too strong.. The nights of transformation, that is how I ve called it..
Long time no see, like.. I feel, the new period in my life is about to come.
After nine years of relationship to my husband, we came to a point where we cannot continue like we did anymore. He wants a family, children and stuff, and I want to transform our relationship into spiritual one, to see are we capable of going tru if become more open, to other people the most.. I am very curious what would happen, wanted that many years ago but I was always too afraid we could lose each other.
I am 37 soon.. In a life of a woman those years are hard.. Why this change came to me now? How is that, I cannot just close my eyes and walk away? And chose to keep the man I love, and a family with him, instead of going into unknown, alone?
We are not young any-more, if this happened ten years ago it would be easier.. But it didn't.
It s been a year now, that I am waiting for him to make a decision to go with me, so that we can do thing he wants as well.. suggesting a win-win situation.. It would be so great, but he is not interested in that. I have to admit I went tru' hell these late months, wondering what to do.
It came to me, yesterday.. That, once again, I have to go my way.. no matter what will happen, no matter what he will decide.. no matter how much I love him, no matter I stay alone.. Because, this is not connected with others, this has to do with me, with my going through my own fears, my own weaknesses, and if not now, when? When will be the better time? Is there the best time to free ourselves?
Now is always the best time...
To reconnect with my own soul..
To come to my roots again..
To follow where Life in its wisdom is leading me, and to trust him..
Still I am praying for us to survive..
And I went trough my mistakes.. The biggest one is, that I ve searched for this kind of divine love within the relationships I was involved in.
I remember the nights when I felt I have to follow my own way no matter what, as the most progressive nights in my life, when I felt I am doing the right thing even it is painful for me in the moment, when I was giving up from the things or persons I was holding onto too strong.. The nights of transformation, that is how I ve called it..
Long time no see, like.. I feel, the new period in my life is about to come.
After nine years of relationship to my husband, we came to a point where we cannot continue like we did anymore. He wants a family, children and stuff, and I want to transform our relationship into spiritual one, to see are we capable of going tru if become more open, to other people the most.. I am very curious what would happen, wanted that many years ago but I was always too afraid we could lose each other.
I am 37 soon.. In a life of a woman those years are hard.. Why this change came to me now? How is that, I cannot just close my eyes and walk away? And chose to keep the man I love, and a family with him, instead of going into unknown, alone?
We are not young any-more, if this happened ten years ago it would be easier.. But it didn't.
It s been a year now, that I am waiting for him to make a decision to go with me, so that we can do thing he wants as well.. suggesting a win-win situation.. It would be so great, but he is not interested in that. I have to admit I went tru' hell these late months, wondering what to do.
It came to me, yesterday.. That, once again, I have to go my way.. no matter what will happen, no matter what he will decide.. no matter how much I love him, no matter I stay alone.. Because, this is not connected with others, this has to do with me, with my going through my own fears, my own weaknesses, and if not now, when? When will be the better time? Is there the best time to free ourselves?
Now is always the best time...
To reconnect with my own soul..
To come to my roots again..
To follow where Life in its wisdom is leading me, and to trust him..
Still I am praying for us to survive..
This morning
I've washed my face
With
My own
Smooth and Warm
Tears
Thought that you could stay alone
If you consider me leaving you
If I follow my own way
Broke me
My heart is asking
Why don’t you stay with me
Why don’t you follow me
Stand by me and support me
Why would you have to go
So far away
So far away
If I choose
To step forward
In my own life
In my own growth
Otherwise
How can we survive
If I die today
Choosing not to
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